Sunday, September 28, 2014

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Monday, September 15, 2014

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Sunday, September 07, 2014

better man speech dictation records

ike and Natalie…
thanks for not eloping
and thanks for inviting me to your wedding.
I think you’re both really impressive people
and as such, you get to be impressed by each other
for the rest of your lives.
so you’re also both quite priveladged.
privelaged in the sense similar to lucky.
impressed in the sense similar to proud.
so I’m gonna proceed under the assumption that
Izaak is slightly more priveladged,
which of course makes Natalie slightly more impressive.
not that it’s a competition but these traits appear to be
inversely proportional.
so Natalie, not that you guys talk like this but
say the next time Izaak does something nice and
you say thank you and he says it was my privilege.
you know what he really means is..
that you possess such good humor, good spirit, good looks…
basically you got the goods.
if Natalie blew a duck whistle in the middle of a field,
Izaak would come quacking. you could say he’s the
quack in her armor.
and IF Natalie impresses upon Izaak her boatloads of charm
and beauty and motivates Izaak to be thoughtful and caring,
then Natalie is also privileged, thoughtful, and caring.
it feeds back to itself in an endless loop with no clear
beginning, middle, or end…
for all we know it might have been Izaak the one blowing the
whistle and Natalie the one to come flapping.  flapping, not
quacking, because under the circumstances of this metaphor
she is a swan, not a duck.
due in part to the fact that she has been known to give Izaak goosebumps.
and ikes a mathematician, we can call him a smart duck.
let’s do some math.
if you graph this loop they got going along an axis of time,
it becomes a three dimensional object, the double helix.
the double helix is the closest thing math can get to dancing.
it’s also the key to the structure of our dna.
so yeah, if you graph true love you get the human genome,
so that’s cool, I have the math for that right here,
but all the proof I need is those two right there.
and this loop is all inclusive, it includes everyone here.
we are all privileged to be impressed.
and lucky to be proud.